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..then maybe i'll find some peace tonight..
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| ..keeping me up at night.. |
[Jul. 28th, 2004|12:28 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | Vindicated // Dashboard Confessional | ] |
I can't get this song out of my head, which was already clouded enough to begin with. It just seems to be triggering a lot of introspection lately, as many events and conversations have over the last few weeks. This will probably be a long, rambling entry with possibly no evident coherence.. but if it calms my uneasy mind, then at least it serves one purpose (other than boring or confusing the hell out of those reading it).
They say you can't win all your battles, but I'm just tired of losing. Over and over again, I try with everything I have. I don't necessarily fail -- at times, I just fall short of what was expected, of what was hoped. "Just get by", where I should fight to exceed. Mediocrity, although unwanted, has become a familiar feeling. What's the standard these days? I sure as hell don't know. Why can't I believe in myself? I claim "blind faith", and just do what needs to be done.. but surely if I operate on "If I succeed, then maybe I can believe" -- well, I can't keep playing that card anymore. Maybe compliments aren't given out of pity and sympathy.
I miss consistency.. though unpredictability keeps me on my toes in a somewhat exciting way. One challenge after another. Sometimes too often, and while it's important to keep moving forward -- it's just as important to look back and realize how far you've come. If you lose sight of that, you potentially just view each accomplishment as just exactly that -- a single accomplishment for that particular time, rather than a succession of accomplishments that just build on top of each other. I'm still working on this one. I have never been so unsure of myself than the last 9 months, but maybe once I get this balance down -- then, I'll believe.
And I will. Someday.
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself |
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| Who wants to be officially crazy on July 31st???? |
[Jul. 19th, 2004|11:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
It's 11pm.. WHY AM I STILL DOING WORK? Oh wait, cause I'm fucked, thanks.
Anyway, just wanted to throw out a lil' sumpin out there.. would anyone be interested in skydiving during the weekend of July 31st?? *hears crickets chirping* Hmmm. Okay -- seriously -- I know there's a random assortment of kids out there that really do wanna go, but no one's really planning anything. And I do stress this being a random, grab-bag of my friends, so if you'd like -- bring a buddy! And if you still need a reason, other than the fact that we're completely fucking crazy (as I've heard all too often), then know this event could possibly be in the name of a certain someone's birthday *coughSHIRLcough* :-D
So drop me an e-mail, comment, voicemail -- whatever floats your boat, and lemme know if you're down. But I must warn you.. it'll be at the asscrack of dawn whichever day we pick -- and you know how some of us are with the lovely thing called "FILIPINO TIME"! If I get a good amount of responses, I'll definitely plan it. Which means if any of you punk out of me....
....................................
....well, then.. you punk out on me. Oh well. *shrugs* :-) |
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| What a.. freakishly cute icon. |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|03:44 am] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | Nick @ Nite -- Three's Company (whoa..) | ] |
It's about 3:30 am, but my body has no desire to go to sleep. Why? Oh, maybe because I was in bed passed out/chillin for almost 12 hours!! I think over the last month, somewhere between working like crazy, skydiving, rafting last weekend, impromptu pool parties/bbqs on consecutive weekends.. my body realized all of its futile attempts to tell me to chill the fuck out and finally shut down on me!! I was so unbelievably worn out that I couldn't bring myself out of bed for fear of my limbs falling off.. yipes.
But damn.. did it feel good :-) I usually have this complex of needing to do something 24/7 on the weekends cause it's the only break I have in between the craziness of that lovely thing called "The Grind", and I feel horribly guilty if I just take it easy during the weekend since I end up feeling like I've "wasted" the weekend. SOMEBODY PLEASE CURE ME OF THIS RIDICULOUS MINDSET!!!
Anyway, I've hit a funk recently.. there's been a lot of good times, but as far as work is concerned, I may have taken a little more than I can handle. But that's the test right -- when the going gets tough, you just need to push yourself that much harder. Hell, I've been on a high for so long.. I was bound to crash at some point. And it's just not work, it's personal shit, too.. I just need to clear my head.
Tonight was a wonderfully unexpected night. Went out what I thought would be a quick diner run with Sandy and Julie around 10:30.. ended up leaving around 2:15am due to probably one of the best (and longest!) conversations I've had in a very long time. Only to end up chilling in Sandy's driveway for another 45 minutes and suddenly realizing.. shit, we may be more alike than we think, especially in the area past and current personal struggles with family and friends. Always a nice thing to find out.. especially at a time when I'm kinda at a low point (and considering one of my best friends has officially gone into a 2 week seclusion -- "Love you, Jen, but please don't call, write, drop by for the next 2 weeks!" -- cause she's taking the Bar at the end of the month.. poor girl :-( going through her own breakdown)
Just a majority of my friends seem to be going through shit.. hopefully soon, we can all recover from it. It would be a shame to waste these summer days feeling down in the dumps.. don't you agree? :-) |
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| Living a double life with Xanga. |
[Jun. 20th, 2004|02:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Yes, I will be copying and pasting in both.. sue me for being lazy. :) http://www.xanga.com/j_luv
* * * * *
It's late.. but a few things to note (and there is no coherent organization due to the late hour)
° I FINALLY went skydiving last weekend, after wanting to for the last couple of years. FUCKING AMAZING.
° I went AGAIN today, and along with Helio, seriously considering going to Ground School and doing our last couple of jumps so we can start jumping solo.. WATCH OUT! The skies are not safe.
° Going to Atlanta from Monday to Wednesday for my first business trip.. word.
° Unfortunately missing DaddyMac's birthday this Tuesday.. yes, his name is Mac, and he is my dad. Proceed to be absolutely amazed at my creativity.
° To-Do-List for the rest of the summer: white water rafting, paintball, mountain biking, rock climbing, more skydiving.. among other things.
I think that's it for now.. time to catch some zzzz's. Later kids! |
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| SKYDIVING = WOW. |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|06:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  rejuvenated | ] |
Since today's events are deserving of a more detailed entry and at the current moment, I don't have that much time -- I PROMISE I shall elaborate more later. However, just had to jot down my initial thoughts.
WOW.
After 3-4 years of wishing, foiled plans, and a severe lack of crazy people -- I finally did it.
SKYDIVING BABY.. and for those folks in Jersey -- I COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR A MORE GORGEOUS DAY!!!! Crystal clear blue sky, minimal cloudiness, 70-something degrees..
AMAZING. |
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| Oh how I miss sleeping... |
[Jun. 9th, 2004|12:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | Constantine // Something Corporate | ] |
So, can someone PLEASE tell me why the hell I can't get to bed before 12am anymore?!??! DUDE, I used to sleep as early as I could, just trying to cram in as much as I could.. and now I struggle to even get home each night before 12, let alone be in bed by that time. Oh yes, I think it's the called have Tiff, Kim, and Lesley almost literally around the corner. <--*EDIT* (What the hell was I trying to say here?! I'm sure you can figure out, but look at how it came out -- this is more proof I need sleep) Seriously, they should start charging me for all the time I spend there (and the scrumdeliumptious AND healthy food I eat there.. WORD.
But back to this sleep issue. So yeah, I used to be in bed at 9 and enjoy a wonderful 9 hour sleep.. which is now drastically being cut down to going to sleep later and getting up earlier -- GO ME. I guess I used to think it would be a good thing, until Nancy (she was my roomie frosh and soph year at Rutgers and.. POOR GIRL!! our history itself is deserving of its own entry..) made an interesting point (and this is ESPECIALLY in regards to SUNDAYS) -- "I just try and stay up as late as I can cause I know once I wake up, it's back to work!" *POP* There goes my bubble.. now, sleep is no longer a good thing if it brings me closer to the work day.
So what's your outlook? Anyone feelin' me on this?!??! :P
And on that note -- NITEY NITE!
**EDIT AGAIN**
Conversation between me and Lesley earlier tonight..
Jen: You don't look like you're in your happy place right now.
Les: I just want the year to end -- too much work.
Jen: Well, you get out this month, right?
Les: YEP! In a few more weeks, it'll be ALL over!
Jen: Dude, you're so lucky.. for me, it would be more like.. in about 40 years, it'll be ALL over!
After reading, additional commentary from Sandra: LOL, THAT'S SO DEPRESSING!!
Who's feelin that one, too?! |
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| *yawn* |
[Jun. 7th, 2004|11:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | Nick @ Nite! | ] |
Oh boy, ready to pass the #)$(* out (and why am I censoring myself?) The last couple of days, in a more coherent summary:
THURSDAY: Harry Potter @ midnight = crawling into bed @ 3am = painful Friday morning.
FRIDAY: Nice lunch at Shogun -- maybe ya'll have seen this, but when they do the onion volcano there, they whip out this boy toy/doll/thingamabobber, pull down his pants, and erm "squirts" out the fire HAHAHAHHAHA absolutely made my day. Got dinner and drinks with Helio, got a fairly nice buzz, came home and called it an early night at 1ish.
SATURDAY: OH WHAT A DAY THIS TURNED OUT TO BE. Flat tired on the parkway around 11:30am. Missed the actual "SURPRISE!!!" portion of Sej's surprise party because of it -- was intro'd/greeted with, "Hey, you're the girl with the flat tire!" THANKS PEOPLE! Saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in 320498 years. Had yet another "Jen" moment:
Ami (who I haven't seen since before I graduated!!!) asks me if I talked to Sej's fiance, Jay. Thinking nothing of it, I said, "Yeah -- he came a while ago and was probably scarred for life since he was subject to our interrogation for a whole night!" and think it"S a shame he wasn't here. Mingled and chilled with different kids throughout the party.. finally time to torture Sej with our wonderfully uncoordinated singing skills. Suddenly, I hear her parents say, "JAY, come and stand next to Sej!!!" I swear, you could take a picture of the EXACT moment of the lightbulb lit up as I turned to Ami and flabbergastedly say, "HE WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!?!!" At which time Ami was already rolling on the floor. Oops.
After that, headed to Kim's for her 20th birthday Beer-B-Q! Drinking festivities for me began at 7 pm.. Pina coladas, mudslides, and beer, beer, beer. Too much to say, so I'll just say a great mix of people (something I really admire about her -- she's got fucking awesome friends, with all types of different backgrounds and personalities -- ROCK) Got kicked out around 1am.. when Helio and I decided to hit up a bar in Newark where his younger brother was spinning. Drinking festivities continued until 230am. Finally crashed at 430am..
SUNDAY: ...to be woken up at 930. Long story short -- got my tire fixed and headed to Aprille's (my cousin) birthday party! Came home, did some work, and called it a night.. soooo tired.
MONDAY: Was unusually chipper at work for a Monday morning.. but already looking forward to both the week AND the weekend's events!! Dinner date with Erin and Sandra (FINALLY!!!), then maybe Kim and Naples in the city on Wednesday. AND SKYDIVING THIS WEEKEND!! And maybe the Portugese feast, or Chris's BBQ and subsequent trip to Bar A in Belmar.. or trip to NYC with Bill and Tiff.. soooo many possibilities :)
Btw, it took FORFUCKINGEVER to write this entry because my computer is all screwy and the keys are fucked up cause of the stupid crapping pop ups and viruses and lord knows what the hell else that is invading my computer!!!!!!
Okay, am calm now -- NITE KIDS! |
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| aks;df hkasj h HI :) |
[Jun. 6th, 2004|03:08 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | john hiatt -- have a little faith in me | ] |
hi. i started drinking at 7pm. WORD HOMEY. so my buzz is wearing off, but i thought i'd say hi. HI. it's past 3 am, and i just go tin. today owas one loooong ass day. up and about around 9 am, and i just rolled in. WHOA. tired like a mofo! and on a day when i had a crazy ass packed scheudle BOOM of cousre i go and get a flat tire on the the parkway@ where the shoulders are so narrow that if you kneel down to change your flat, i'm preetty sure your ass would get knocked by the passing cars.
SO FOC OURSE i was "THAT PERSON" that was on the shoudler with a tow truck causing some minor rubber neckign, and then i was THAT EPRSONN that was dirivng at the emabrassingly llow speed of 50-60 mph ont ehr far right side of the highway.. sigh. and OF COURSE, im too late and miss thea ctual surprise for sejs bday, am driving aroudn with my spare, all the stores i trie dto go to close at 4 ot 5, and pep nboys had a 2 fuckin hour wait. RIGHT. exnay that one.
and then after kim's fantabulosu beer-b-q, me and helio headed to a bar down in newark and danced the nihg away. this chick there was takin pics so maybne some of ours will nend up on some site which shall be disclosed at a later date. but i have my cousin's bday party toorrow (bowling YESS) and then preparing for what will prolly be a long work week. but BRINGIT YO@!!! it's just been a catrzy weekend SUMMERS HERE yayayayayay
but i gonly got one thign to say to that: WORKD HARD PLAY HARD ya heard!?!?
i gotta be up in a few horsu i'm screwed ok byebye now. |
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| Random picture time -- AWWW SHIET! |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|08:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | the grumblies in my tummy | ] |
**If you are one of the few absolutely insane people who would like to join me in SKYDIVING, the tentative date set is NEXT SATURDAY, JUNE 12TH. Before I can give ya'll pricing info, I need to get a good idea of how many are SERIOUSLY interested. The only thing possibly stopping us right now is the weather.. so if you're down, hollerrrrr ;)**
Okay, before we get to the pictures, let's see if I can bore you with more trivial stories about my life. Oh, yesterday it took me 2 HOURS to get to work. Why, you may ask? Cause there was a bale of hay on the highway. But not just any bale of hay (cause you know -- that's just SO common in these here parts) -- a BURNING bale of hay. Please join me in asking who/why/how the FUCK did that get there?!?! And when I told my friends about it so they could feel sorry for me, I was met with, "YO, I heard that on the news! HAHAHAHAH, SUCKS TO BE YOU!!" Call me crazy, but they are supposed to be my friends.. I think.
So anyway, Tiff, Kim, and maybne Shane are picking me up around 9:30 and we're heading over to Newark to pick up Bill at the train station. Grabbing a bite to eat (and alcohol better be included) and catching Harry Potter at midnight -- HARDCORE!!! Or just insane, considering I have work tomorrow. I can already hear Marla saying "Oh Jesus.." when I roll into work tomorrow half asleep. Oops.
( Okay, screw this -- PICTURE TIME!! )
WARNING: For the most part, these pictures have absolutely nothing to do with each other. C'mon now, would you actually expect me to have some thought process behind it? SHIT, my ride's here -- peace out mofos! |
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| It's gonna be a semi-painful morning tomorrow.. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2004|12:53 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | Queer Eye | ] |
So I'm sitting here at Tiff's house, watching Queer Eye with her and Kim -- LOVE. THIS. SHOW!!!! Poor Tiff is running around pulling out her hair trying to get her shizzy together for the Bar. Steer clear from this girl if you see her -- you'll notice her flaming nostrils a mile away.
Awesome night -- met up with Sej, Jagat, and Godly at Uno's, where we all regressed back to the good ol' days of pointing all jokes and sarcasm in Sej's direction -- GOOD TIMES! (and YES, for a change, they weren't ganging up on ME!)
Then headed to Brunswick Zone for some Cosmic Bowling -- you know the deal -- black lights, neon signs, crazy music blaring, and watching drunken asses attempt to throw a small ball down a wooden lane in hope of hitting pins. ROCKED ALL YO' ASSES KIDS! ;)
And a couple of beers later, I am here, chillin with my girls, making plans to hardcore it on Thursday -- HARRY POTTER 3 at midnight!!! Oh lord, Friday will be another painful morning. ;) |
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| Classic Jen and Sej conversation (I've actually had requests for this) |
[Jun. 1st, 2004|01:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
Wooowzers, just passed out for a couple of hours.. and I'm still feeling madd weak. Shopping with mom = INTENSE!
Anyway, I'm supposed to be meeting up with Sej, Kiran, Godly, Jagat, and Nanu for dinner and then some mini-golfing, batting cages, and go-karting after work today -- reunion 234897! *looks outside* But mother nature looks like she won't be cooperating so I hope there's backup plans.. and there probably aren't cause we're good like that!
For those that don't know, these kids are a small portion of the crew Sej and I used to chill with almost every day back in sophomore year -- the "Richie Crew", simply because they were a whole bunch of boys living at the Richardson apartment -- WEREN'T WE OH SO CREATIVE?? And for all the newcomers that don't know Sej, she's been my girl since frosh year in college when she lived on my floor and we instantly bonded.. and oh god, the verbal abuse -- erm, I mean, the crazy good times we've had will always be unforgettable and precious to me. But she's quickly growing up right in front of my eyes as she's getting married in September! *tear*
The thing about us is.. well, we have a hard ass time communicating and working together! i.e., the Two-Foot rule (deemed by Sej) -- if we are within two feet of each other, we WILL NOT understand a damn word, whether it is spoken or yelled. Place us at opposite ends of.. say a parking lot, and our ears are just fine. Hell, our motto is "Smart apart, idiots together!" And one would might guess talking online would hopefully alleviate these problems?
( GUESS AGAIN!! )
This is a madd long convo, but it's a classic. Took place during our last semester of finals during some ungodly hour in the late night/morning. And if there's ever a job that you truly need accomplished -- don't place Sej and I on the same team. :) |
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| Hope you're sitting -- this could take a while. |
[May. 31st, 2004|03:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | watching Serendipity and feelin the fuzzies | ] |
What happens when I don't update for days? I write ridiculously long entries like this.
FRIDAY: after work, chilled with Tiff and Kim, and as usual -- found myself stuck in the kinds of laughs where the harder you laugh, the more you can't breathe, and not only do the tears fall, but so do YOU off whatever you're sitting on. GOOD TIMES ;) met up with Rohit, Ryan, and Al to watch the game and kick back a few drinks.. where the smack talk started up about pool. which led our drunken asses to invade the nearest pool hall where I held my own during the doubles games.. but lost the one-on-one games vs. Al -- dammit to hell! although we have plans to attempt to kick some ass at local bars.. I'll get back to ya'll on that one.
SATURDAY: after getting to bed at 2:30am, Mom decides to pop in at 5fuckin45am to say HELLO! still extremely groggy, and not entirely sure of the conversation we had (as I was in one of those dazes where she could have retrieved ANY info she wanted). Helio picked me up at 7:45, went to Kearny to pick up his friends, and then were headed to Sandy Hook! ....until everything came at a standstill at the Turnpike, and after taking alternate routes, decided that everyone in the world had to be on the Turnpike at that exact moment since all other highways were strangely traffic-free on Memorial Day weekend. WEIRD.
awesome watching people (and Helio's friend) windsurf and kite surf at the beach (although there was an unforunate incident when a kitesurfer was blown off his board and flew into telephone wires *shudder*). went bike riding on dirt trails for the first time and my ass is STILL hurting like a mofo from the damn seat. and have a whooole bunch of bruises -- why, you may ask? oh, because one of the trails was so narrow and surrounded by bushes, and since I was still a bit wobbly on the bike (since I hadn't ridden one since HIGH SCHOOL) that I found myself riding right smack fucking dab into those damn bushes!!! chilled on the beach for a few more, grabbed some grub, and headed back.
got home and bothered Tiff and Kim again (poor Tiff is getting crapped on everyday by her class and studying for the Bar).. but as tired and sore as I was from the beach trip, ended up going to Rohit's with the rest of the boys and Sherry to chill and drink. ended up getting home and staying up til bout 6 am..
SUNDAY: ...to be woken up at almost 10 by Mug, Sej, and Co. -- WHO ARE DOWN IN THE POCONOS, BASTARDS! -- to see if I was coming down to Paintball.. oops. proceeded to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING except recuperate in bed with the TV/phone/laptop/other appropriate electronic accessories, and loving every single minute of it!! headed to Tiff's again where I had an extremely "Jen" moment as I suggested we watch Saturday Night Live. on a Sunday. and we're sitting there in front of the TV, wondering why it's 11:45pm and they're still talking about baseball on the news. and why SNL hasn't come on yet. on a Sunday. get the point? DOUBLE oops there.
well, it's nearing 3AM, and gotta be up in a few hours since I'm going shopping with Mom, who is one of "those people" who needs to be at the mall at the asscrack of dawn before the rest of the world. oh well -- BRING IT. |
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| Additional proof that I am a complete moron. |
[May. 27th, 2004|11:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  silly | ] |
oO my reverie Oo: not sure on the time. wicked. it's a lottery unfortunately.. but it'd be 2 per person
oXdorksterXo: btw, can you test something out for me? Buddy Info me, and click on the link, just wanna see if it leads it to the right link for you
oXdorksterXo: gotcha about the tix.. what show?
oO my reverie Oo: is that your livejournal?
oO my reverie Oo: it's for livefortheday
oO my reverie Oo: wicked
oXdorksterXo: lol
oXdorksterXo: i see wicked has now been fully incorporated into your vocabulary
oO my reverie Oo: nono
oO my reverie Oo: Wicked
oO my reverie Oo: is the name of the show jen :-)
oXdorksterXo: HAHAHHAHAHA
oXdorksterXo: omg i'm literally laughing out loud right now
oO my reverie Oo: lol
oXdorksterXo: I AM A DORK. thanks. |
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| I'M BACK!!! ....seriously. no really, i am. SERIOUSLY! |
[May. 27th, 2004|08:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | Z100 shizzy | ] |
aaalrighty, shall we try this again? for the 2309458th time?? just figured i'd throw together something quick before i grab a bite to eat with Helio -- I'M STARVING! i don't even think i'll try to recap the last 2-3 months, except last night when i chilled with Grover -- DAMN, talk about a blast from the past!! i knew Friendster would be good for something :P
so anyway, looking forward to the summer.. first real summer that i'll be hardcore working, so really holding on to possible good times liiiiike:
- SKYDIVING!!! yooo, IT'S ON. if you're down (and i mean seriously down and not gonna punk out on me last minute -- inquire within. we're looking maybe the second weekend in June.. holla back if you're down..)
- possible trip to TN to see Dan!
- pool parties at my house! (wait, i suppose i would have to clean it first, right? hmm. lemme get back to you on this)
- birthday celebrations galore!
- Bill's moving to NJ!
- CONCERTS!!!!
- and the latest addition (only an idea, but hoping it works out) -- VEGAS BABY!!!!!!
- and of course, all the weekend roadtrips that i'm sure will come.
LIFE IS GOOD. |
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| *smacks head on desk* |
[Mar. 3rd, 2004|09:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
umm, hi. :) i'm so fucking exhausted right now, i don't know how my body is still in one piece. yesterday, i had to go to pennsylvania to help kick-off one of our call center studies, which ended up being a 2 hour commute - throw in the fact that for some unknown reason, i couldn't fall asleep until 3AM that night. (oh wait, maybe it could be cause i was at a cafe drinking a nice shitload of caffeine close to midnight, and crazy excited about the roadtrip) but i actually dropped by my manager's house along the way, finally meeting her infamous dog, which she talks about as if it was her own child (amusingly cute). didn't really have enough sleep last night to cover both nights, so here i am falling apart. SO WHY AM I NOT PASSED THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW? oh yeah, cause i'm a moron, thanks.
i can't wait - i always need to go away at least one weekend a month, whether it's to party hard with friends in boston or baltimore, or go alone to rhode island for some relaxation and good times with the fam. next weekend, one of my best friend's younger sister (who's crazy involved in shit like the filipino association, sorority, dance troupe) has an event for one of her organizations. actually, it's a cultural type event for her filipino group, and since i have ummm basically a non-existant record of going to these types of things, i figure - what the hell :) and also since i have a pretty non-existant record of making it up to cornell while tiff (her older sister/my best friend) was up there for 4 years (cause i SWEAR to all that is holy, each time we wanted to go up, mother nature decided to drop a mother of a snowstorm on us)
ANYWAY, i digress as usual. so we're going up there next weekend - "we" being me, tiff, bill (her boyfriend), lesley (the third and youngest sister), and probably their cousin, shane. ROADTRIP BABY! (considering cornell is in the middle of nowhere) i'm so amped for that. also talked to an old high school friend for the first time in fucking YEARS.. used to be really good friends with her too *sad* but it's always so nice to just catch the hell up and prolly hang out a few times.. it's amazing when these things happen and you realize how much you've changed (or stayed the same). good times, yo!
later kids<3 |
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| ..son of a freakin' A.. |
[Oct. 3rd, 2003|02:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
so i had this humongoid whopper of an entry all ready to be submitted, i click on the button.. BYEBYE entry!!! FUCKIN A!! -big sigh- but thinking back on it, i did forget a few things so i suppose i'll survive the loss and write a more entertaining one later... hmm, optimism isn't as effective at this hour. :P
i can't get myself to sleep though, and i sure as hell need it considering my mom wants to go to my aunt's house (about 45-60 mins away) at the asscrack of dawn at 6 fucking AM to pick my grandma. and i'm normally used to the obscene hours she chooses to do things (as she has this odd need to have a massive headstart on the rest of the population). but what makes this particular situation incomprehensible is the fact that she knows she won't leave my aunt's house til NOON.. can someone please fill me in on the logic she applied here? cause i absolutely have no idea.. especially since i asked her, "are we just going to do a quick pick up or putz around the house for a while?" to which she replied, "oh, we're just gonna pick her up real quick." AND THIS TAKES 5 HOURS? :P
and i really do need to hit the gym sometime soon because that place is quickly becoming foreign to me, while my membership card gathering quite a bit of dust. DAMN MY LAZINESS TO HELL!!! in other news - i don't know where this sudden desire to read books in my spare time arose from, though i'd venture a guess to say it's from the unsettling feeling that at the present moment - not in school and unemployed - my brain needs to be jumpstarted with SOMETHING before it just dies out on me. i recently finished "Ender's Game", and since i heard it's usually classified as sci-fi, i was pleasantly surprised to discover it was also pretty emo.. THUMBS UP! currently working on "False Memory" by Dean Koontz - which honestly was just a random book that caught my psychological eye merely by its title. there really is no method to my madness :)
anyway, i'm gonna go try this "sleep" thing again.. and hopefully i'll be successful. and if i'm not.. hey, at least i'm not driving tomorrow! |
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| ..late night babbling.. |
[Sep. 25th, 2003|01:34 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
it's always interesting to look back about a month ago and remember the horrible funk i was in for most of the summer. i still shared some good times with the best of friends, but there was always this constant cloud looming over my head. instead of a generally consistent good mood with a few lows here and there, it eventually developed into only a few snippits of good moods embedded within a well established sadness.
and then i look at things now - and it's not even like there's a barrage of unbelievably great things happening at the present moment - it's the very simple realization that i'm back to my normal self, ready to face whatever life may decide to throw at me, but finally once again armed with the perspective that has helped me for most of my life. i know people may view me as 'eternally optimistic', 'disgustingly cheerful', and 'endearingly naive'.. i'm just trying my damn hardest to keep up my good moods, cause sometimes - that's all i've got to help me get through something. i just want to view everything in a positive light - whether as a learning opporunity or at face value, just a shitty experience - and move on. being in a funk just makes you look at every other aspect of your life through a magnifying glass that overemphasizes even the tiniest negativities. and who wants to feel like that day in and day out?
i guess i'll end this weird entry with a quote that i feel conveys this so-called perspective of mine..
_______________________________________________
"..please believe that things are good with me, and even
when they're not, they will be soon enough.
and i will believe the same about you."
~perks of being a wallflower
_______________________________________________ |
|
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| ..last minute as usual.. |
[Sep. 20th, 2003|10:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
of course, there were numerous times i could have made an entry since my last one, but i opt for the precious 15 minutes while i'm waiting for kristin to pick me up. so needless to say, this won't really be too detailed of an entry :P
in a nutshell, the last couple of days:
tuesday: went to the bars with chris, cause two of his co-workers just turned 21. and the 3 mishaps for the night - [1] drunken birthday girl flails her arm as i'm bringing my beer bottle to my mouth, ending in a huge SMACK/OW! lucky to not have chipped tooth. [2] sitting up at bar, waiting for my drink. guy behind me buys a pitcher of beer, receives it.. 2 seconds later, i am wearing some of it on my back. [3] at the last bar, the bathroom has a curtain serving as my only protection from the outside world. drunken stranger comes in, is exasperated when i say "just 5 more minutes!", to which i cut down to 1. as i'm saying this, i notice she has grabbed the curtain and trying to pull it open AS I AM SAYING I STILL NEED ONE MORE MINUTE. played tug of war for a bit while i prayed to god that she would let go for 1 SECOND.. which she did, and i discovered just how fast one can zip up and belt their pants. sigh. but hands down - a great night :)
wednesday: scheduled and prepped for a phone interview.. and last minute late at night, get a surprise visit from shirl, and tried to be the big sis she needed.. hang in there, hon - you'll get through this -hugz-
thursday: survived phone interview - have 3 more face-to-face, and strongly believe i shall royally fuck them up. that's right kids, not JUST fuck them up - ROYALLY fuck them up.
friday: was surprised to hear that tiff and bill came up for the weekend for a wedding (driving up from baltimore on thursday night during the "hurricane"!!! well, down there it was a lot worse). watching her attempts to paint her nails provided hours of amusement. (just kidding, LOVE YA GIRL<3) then went to NB to have a small reunion/dinner thingy with some of the girls i used to live with (my old school indian crew), as well as to meet and subsequently grill her boyfriend/future fiance!!! OMG, did i just say that? POTENTIAL FIANCE? yep, that's right.. she's growing up before my very eyes. wonderful time :)
tonight, heading over to willy p and seeing some people i haven't seen in over a year.. gonna be interesting!! and on a last night, to LEO - i'm such an asshole!!! you say it's no big deal, but fuck man - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! -craaaazy hugz- hope you're enjoying spending some quality time with your nephew! |
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| ..and so another day goes by.. |
[Sep. 16th, 2003|01:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | One of these Days // Michelle Branch | ] |
there is now a permament, full body imprint in my bed, thanks to the fact that i was confined to it all fucking day because i was completely and absolutely drained of all my energy. i guess that's what happens when you have 3-4 hours of sleep the day before a 4 hour roadtrip, a full day, have 4-5 hours of sleep that night, another full day, and then the grueling drive back home.. only to stay up pretty late again. and coming back to two STILL very sick parents (although i've been lucky to not be hacking up a lung and a few ribs at this point).. it wasn't pretty. i almost fell down the stairs a few times, too.. and i would like the names of all of you who are wishing i had and been present properly equipped with a camera.
i at least wanted to make it to the gym today, but that so didn't happen. man, i used to go 6 out of 7 days when i first started out, where the hell did my motivation go? oh yes, i think it's called laziness, moving out, and getting sick. hopefully, tomorrow i can get my act together.. in the meantime, however, as i've mentioned i haven't read in my spare time in forfuckingever, i've actually gone through 2 books in less than a week. whoa, gotta slow down my turbo ass! The Nanny Diaries - loved it; gotta feel sorry for that girl and the shit she has to deal with the parents.. oh, and that 4 year old little monster, too. but at least he had his shining moments :) i feel as if i'm regressing since i feel the need to read "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "Catcher in the Rye" since "Perks" is said to be "following in their tradition" (plus nostalgia is settling in and i feel a bit deprived not remembering reading those books.. or if i even did at all).
anyway, i need to force myself to sleep.. i'm supposed to hit the bars and do some serious damage to my liver with chris tomorrow, and apparently - i'm not allowed to back out whatsoever. "in rain or shine, in sickness or in health", the plans shall go on! and p.s. - congrats to leo and his new baby nephew ;)
_________________________________________
what would you do if i could have you?
oh, if i could
i'd let you feel everything i'm thinking
wouldn't that be nice?
~m.branch
_________________________________________ |
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| answering the call of my bed.. |
[Sep. 15th, 2003|12:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | On Rotation |
| | summer '79 - ataris | ] |
i'm beyond exhausted, so i really can't tell you how this entry will turn out. here we go!
made it back from rhodie in one piece, although there was a point in the trip where i wasn't so sure that would be: surprisingly, it was sunny and minimal cloudiness for most of connecticut, but once i hit the tappan zee bridge, i noticed i was suddenly surrounded by fog. either that, or my windshield was ridculously fogged, and since i haven't exactly mastered the art of using my defogger - i really can't be too sure. and as it starts raining at a fairly decent rate, my wipers decide to get all streaky. so just to be on the safe side, i was one of "those people" who chose to drive at an embarassingly slow speed in the rightmost lane to make sure i don't crash into anyone, which could have been highly probable considering i couldn't even seen the white lines. apparently, someone had this problem as well since i noticed the car next to me heading into my lane, with no shame, and with no signal for that matter. nice job, ya jerk! -shakes fist-
but other than that, the trip was something i absolutely needed.. a nice combination of relaxation and dorky fun with the whole family. and a whole lot of "me" time to clear my head (which a lot of you know i needed to do). but YO, my younger cousins are soooo cute!! my filipino ass actually as a cousin with green eyes! i swear, i wanna marry a white boy IF ANYTHING just to see what kind of kids i'd pop out :P
anyway, there's so much more to write, and not about this trip specifically, just everything that's been happening within the last 2 months. but i'm sure things will slip out here and there - it hasn't been pretty, but it's been dealt with, and the only thing left is: better days ahead. with that said, i think i'm gonna go read until i pass out - and i'm so glad i started reading again in my spare time because my brain seriously needed to be jumpstarted before it just died out on me. i couldn't put down The Perks of Being a Wallflower (and my apologies to those who i've attempted to get to read this book by force ;).. which i'll get to later, because if there's a book i can say really changed me, without a doubt it is that one. currently working on The Nanny Diaries - okay, so i haven't picked the most intellectually stimulating novels, but after attempting to read Freud's Interpretation of Dreams.. well, you can imagine. :)
on a last note - leo, i hope your sister's okay, lemme know ASAP. and in response to one of the comments in my last entry - hi bill! -waves- did i win anything? :D |
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